When I signed up, I was thinking if I could make $100 I'd be doing okay. I kicked it off with just $10 of my own, and figured I would deal with the sponsorship issue a bit later.
It occurred to me that I haven't really talked much with my friends and whanau about my own coming out journey. I think many of them see the confident, usually brightly clothed, tall and robust specimen that I am and assume that it's been an easy enough ride for me to be me. But this was definitely not true. I had a rough ride when I came out. I lost people I thought were my best friends and I nearly gave up on my teacher training.
It is time, life experience and hindsight that allow me to have learned from the experiences I have had - in those moments though, I could have REALLY done with some professional support, or some peer support - instead I had to navigate the journey alone, hoping that the next person I talked to would still be speaking to me at the end of the conversation.
It's why I decided to share my story with my facebook friends. Doing so has brought some amazing and supportive people out of the woodwork - including some who were there during the hard stuff who were young and unsure themselves. I've had some incredible communications with people and, even more amazingly, they have contributed over $1200 so far to help other young members of the rainbow community navigate the journey to self acceptance.
The original Facebook post is below, should you wish to read it. For now though, I am in awe, grateful and a bit inspired to see how the efforts we share for this cause can positively impact on our society.
Yes that is me with Rainbow hair back in the day. It was impressively (& terrifyingly!) bright. Like, catch your own reflection in a shop window and step back a little bit bright!
I didn't do it because I'm a member of the rainbow community. I just had an adventurous hairdresser. I miss her!
Forgive the following novel. Some of you will know the story, some will not.
I knew I was 'playing for the same team' from a pretty young age but hell no was I going to out myself in a place where any guy who mentioned an interest in a career pathway that was more female dominated was instantly called a 'pedo' and everyone in the community knew where the 'gay guys' lived and referred to them as that. I never knew the names or saw them, couldn't even tell you if they were actually gay, but it was on the grapevine so it must be true.
When I finally did have the courage to come out, I told my 'best friend' one Friday night after a few drinks. She initially assured me it was ok, then called me the next day to let me know it wasn't and she couldn't be friends with me any more. She then called my entire prof studies group at teachers college and outed me to them. By the time I got back there on the following Monday I was a pariah and had gone from being accepted and liked to having no friends at all. One person spoke to me - Flic - I will forever carry you in my heart. I was terrified to tell anyone else, especially my sister, who I couldn't bear the thought of losing. Of course Megs is an absolutely beautiful person through and through and she was there for me every step of the way and still is. Love you sis! My family have been wonderful, and have always had my back, even though they have heard small minded people gossip about me in more recent times for being with a WOMAN!!!
A wonderful lecturer named Liz was the reason I was able to move to a new group at T-coll and successfully see out the rest of my training. I will be forever grateful to her. I am older and wiser now, but every day I still have to make a decision about whether or not I tell someone I'm meeting for the first time that I have a wife, and face the risk of dealing with bigotry or hate because I love someone who has the same body bits as me.
I hope (in a bit of a futile state) that these sort of shitty experiences are rare these days. But I know that this, and worse, still happens when young people come out. They lose the most important support they thought they had. I had my sister and my family, when I got the courage to finally tell them. Some aren't so lucky.
Recently I had the awful experience of walking through a Destiny Church... event? Lynch mob? ??? In Auckland. They were loud and clear about the way us gays are ruining the world and turning everyone into deviant perverts. For what it's worth, apparently my straight parents did that! LOL. Ange and I held hands and walked with our heads high. But I have not often felt so unsafe in a place.
Rainbow Youth need help to be able to continue to provide vital support for our young LGBTQIA+ family. Some will experience far worse than I did. If this is not something you can support by sponsoring me in my Sweat for Pride efforts, I understand. Times are tight. A supportive comment can go a real long way in healing old hurts and building confidence. Ideally they wouldn't be a thing in the first place.
Love is love.
💕 Thank you for telling your story so others may feel safe telling theirs xo